She was completely awesome. And I'm not just saying that because she's my grandma and I'm supposed to. It's because it's true. You'll agree, too. Here's some reasons why:
1. Her name was Zetta. Her middle name was Zane. Her maiden name was Zilla. Zetta Zane Zilla. If that isn't the most boss name in the history of names, I don't know what is.
2. She created my mom.
3. She thought Glenn Beck was a turd, and called me laughing the day he was fired.
4. She taught me how to swear.
5. She taught me how to gamble.
6. She made amazing homemade bread.
7. She would moon every visitor anytime they left the house.
8. One year for Christmas, she sent me a miniature olive green toilet with a twig glued to the bottom. The next year she sent me $100. The year after that, she sent me a framed picture of her sitting on the toilet in a nightgown with an umbrella hat on. The year after that she sent me $100.
9. She could beat you, and all of your friends, at Scrabble.
10. Her version of a hug was extending an index finger and barely making contact with the other's extended index finger.
11. The last time I saw her was on tour with Kristoff Krane, Sadistik, Ordeal, and Brady O'Rourke. She waited up until midnight for us to get there, and had homemade cinnamon rolls, coffee, soup, and sandwiches for us.
12. She could beat you, and all of your friends, at pool.
13. She was original.
14. She was genuine.
15. She could beat you, and all of your friends, at poker.
16. She raised six kids.
17. She taught me sarcasm.
18. She taught me how to laugh at myself.
19. She taught me not to take life so seriously.
20. She is my grandma.
I'll miss you, Zetta.